When I finished writing ‘project vw’ I thought ‘Yay! I’m done with all the writing! :o)”
But then a quiet voice prompted me to dig deeper – to list & define all ‘the work’ that will need my attention – build a framework for it. I must admit, despite being reluctant to put in the effort to do this – it feels so good to have this figured out – done – ready to refer to at any moment!
But then a quiet voice prompted me to dig deeper into what my own unique creative groove is – what has influenced it – where it originally came from – my experiences of nurturing it along – or avoiding it! It’s all input – that affects my output – what I actually make, how I respond to things, what gets my attention, what triggers my curiosity. Despite being reluctant to keep digging & writing – this proved to be very insightful. I can see clearly what makes me, ‘me’. Valuable stuff to have knowledge & awareness of, & it’s something I can claim personal ownership of too.
But then a quiet voice prompted me to write a list acknowledging the accomplishments I am building on, both creatively & personally – as I commit to making creativity the priority of my life. Something told me it would be valuable reminder of my progress, a written reminder of how far I have come, the many difficulties I have resolved, the different paths taken. Despite being very reluctant to keep digging deeper & writing even more words – this proved to be very uplifting – & supportive – to have knowledge, awareness & appreciation of it.
The writing is done now – I think! With all these one page documents completed, I have cleared head space to simply create, to fully focus on simply MAKING, experimenting & exploring with all my heart & available attention. There’s no distracting stuff going on in my head about what I’m doing, why I am doing it, or where I am going, or how I’m going to ‘get there’ – because it’s all written down now!!!
Throughout this entire time I was reluctant to trust, & act on, the quiet voice prompting me to ‘dig deeper’. I couldn’t see why it was needed. Now I have done them, it is very clear to me why! I’m very grateful I listened & spent all these weeks digging deeper, writing & re-writing – however reluctantly – because they have shone a very clear light on what my own path is. The clarity is invaluable, & something no one else could ever do for me!!
I have learnt that it’s necessary to disconnect myself from the world, & what it wants FROM me, so I can reconnect with myself, & what it is I want to willingly GIVE. Getting enough distance from the world to be objective, I originally achieved by walking 1000 kilometres for 7 weeks in 2018, mostly alone, on the pilgrimage Camino De Santiago (French route) in Spain. It was hard work, but the break from my habitual life, & what the world persistently wanted from me, enabled me to start over when I got home. I’m not feeling fragmented or conflicted anymore. My life feels more like a flow again, similar to the one I experienced in my childhood. Because of my experience, I totally get the quote from Ralph Waldo Emmerson: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” It certainly feels that way to me!!
Vicky xxx
