Recently I’ve had an opportunity to view my artistic ‘thing’ in a different light, through a different mindset, & it’s really having a huge impact on how comfortable I feel about putting my art ‘out there’, & standing boldly beside it, sharing my love & enthusiasm for it online.
To date I have not actually shared the creative art I am most engaged with, that is very ‘me’… because it is so totally different to what everyone else is making!! I used to think this was a bad thing, because for the life of me I simply couldn’t make anything that ‘fitted in’. This felt uncomfortable, because I definitely felt vulnerable, so I hid it, kept it to myself. I felt I had to justify it’s value, & I just couldn’t stand proudly beside it (at the time) & say with all the childlike enthusiasm I felt for it – ‘Yes – I made that! Isn’t it crazy?!’
I realize now that part of my problem was my personal experience & observation that Craft / Craeft is undervalued – & COLLAGE isn’t really valued as an ART… is it……not like a painter is valued! It really is irrelevant though, when set beside MY WHY I create with it. I am so engaged & energized playing about arranging & assembling bits of cut out printed paper – colours / textures from magazines! I have become aware that it’s MY THING – to see a magazine only for it’s content of colour & texture that I can cut from it – which then becomes the material I work with. Seems I prefer to create the source material for my ‘THING’ too, it’s not just the collage process I am engaged with – it’s selecting the material I want to work with, that sparks the engagement – & since that material isn’t available ready made for me (in a tube like paint is) I grab a magazine, or take a photograph, & make that into my own material for pattern! Huh. Didn’t know that either.
My creative bias is definitely pattern based – I see it everywhere – & it’s in my process of organizing / assembling – taking a variety of things & putting them together in my own way. VERY ‘me’. I am now very aware that I live for the process of creating too, NOT the end product.
When I was younger, I was often told to tone down the exuberant, enthusiastic side of myself. I distinctly remember getting ‘carried away’ on the dance floor once, & my partner at the time signaled me to tone it down, which I obediently did! I remember feeling quite deflated, robbed of the wonderful feeling of happiness I was experiencing at the time. Note to self :
NEVER TURN DOWN THE VOLUME OF WHO YOU ARE FOR ANYONE ( A recent Marie Forleo quote after her book launch tour to the UK for ‘Everything is Figureoutable’).
It’s unrealistic of me to think EVERYONE can be comfortable around me, & for those who are uncomfortable, I will remind myself that’s something that is their thing to resolve or gain awareness about, not mine. Wow. Feels like a huge weight has been lifted, can feel my heart opening again, expanding freely – like a breath feels to my lungs…..look out world… here I come!
Vicky xxx
